Sometimes, on those really long train rides that I find myself on, I being to really think.
I like to evaluate my life and everyone in it, and everyone absent.
I start to wonder about all the people I once called my best friends and I try to guess what they're doing right then. But I can never really come up with a satisfying answer for myself. I just don't know.
These thoughts are sometimes quite scary. They bring about emotions that I never thought I'd feel towards that person again. It can make me super happy or super lonely.
Then I being to wonder if my friends, right now, understand or know or ever even have a fleeting thought that I could be lonely. That despite having them around, I miss the people who were so present in my life years and years ago.
Do they just see me as the happy-go-lucky science chick who is too in over her head about getting into medicine?
Do they still see the musician I once was?
Am I still the stubborn, ignorant girl I was last year?
I don't really know how my friends perceive me, and that thought should be worrying, but I really don't think the way I perceive my friends is an accurate summation of who they are and where they are in life at the moment.
It's not that I don't know anything about them, I just don't think they ever give me the full story.
Just as I never really give the full story.
If you asked me to describe my friends, how they are as people and how their lives are going I'd never mention the opposing thoughts that are tearing Collin in two. Or the anguish Maria is feeling about finishing her stack of assignments and her upcoming move. Or even the fear that must be swallowing Bobs whole about AFTRS.
It's not that I don't know what's going on. We tell each other almost everything. I just don't know how they feel, and it's not their fault. It's the fact that maybe we're all a little ignorant about each others situation and we all stick to our roles.
My friends have certain roles they play in the group and separate roles they must take on during individual confrontation. That's who they are to me. The clown, the sassy drama queen, the protective presence ...
Despite what they're going through, they're still who I need them to be
But I'll always wonder how they see me
And I'll always wonder if I'd be happy with their representation of me
I just hope that I'm doing enough to be who they need me to be.
I've confused myself.
Is this the study period for finals?
Or has the summer finally come?
I cannot wait for that period to really come.
So I don't have to stress and break out.
It'll be here soon.
It's all over in 3 weeks.
I've been filled in about a new hole that we can visit in the summer holidays.
I got too excited and found several other holes in Sydney.
Sydney has a lot of holes.
LOL I kid.
Going to watch Wicked tmr.
Gonna try so hard to not compare it to the previous musical.
I bet I'm gonna be super annoying and sing all the songs LOL Boy are Drew and Maria gonna have a blast :D:D
I love Ed Sheeran's new album omgad
Not really caring much for Tay's new song, tho
Fucked up my phys mid session exam, but I already knew that
Managed to do work today, very pleased with myself
I feel like an adult now that I'm going to an accountant
I wonder if doing a gen ed course in accounting will help in doing my own taxes
I see fire
Went to an ab and core work out session yesterday. My body is obliterated.
Why won't Patsie reply to me? :'(
Cannot wait for summer!
I think I've got about a good week before I need to clip my toe nails.
Anyway, I officially enrolled into my third year courses today! After much frustration, non-metaphorical breath holding and the emergence of my laptop in the lab, I finally got through the right server and could enrol.
Today, I held my breath for 2 minutes and 6 seconds and got 2 boxes of smarties for it. (Yes, I am very proud of myself)
I went through an existential crisis about 3 weeks ago when the UMAT results came out. I really didn't know what I'd do with myself once I finished B MedSci and didn't get into med. I know, I know, I keep telling myself and everyone else that I'd keep trying. You know, GAMSAT will be around forever :), but I never really thought about what I'd actually be doing in the year I had off, besides sit the GAMSAT and twiddle my thumbs waiting for the results.
Contrary to first year Jess' outlook on life, I would totally do honours. And I'd do it for several reasons, but the main one is that that's been the next step for everyone who had gotten into medical school prior to the introduction of Undergraduate Medicine in Australia.
Complete a Bachelor degree, obtain honours/PhD and then, get into med school. It may seem out-dated, but it's how they still do it in the States. It's definitely an option still in Aus, but the idea of undergrad med, being done and jumping into clinical placement after 5/6 years just seemed to appealing. But obviously, in retrospect, this is will yield the best outcome. It may take longer, but I just learn more and I actually acquire the necessary skills to make it in the real world. (Not that you don't in undergrad) It's, like I said, just better. Better for me anyway LOL
I was actually tossing up between working Dymocks full time for an entire year (no!!!) and joining a pathology clinic like Douglass or the ARCBS. But I'm pretty sure I'm gonna head into honours. I hope I get to do something I really enjoy :)
Anyway, I've been mega procrastinating with my work, so I gonna quickly pop off to the gym and then come back and catch up on the 20 odd lectures I've missed.
lo siento, carino. Sobre la escritura tirete antes.
I swear, I'm done :)
Tuesday: Col and I found the stingray at Garie
Wednesday: I think we just ate a lot LOL
Thursday: Maria Huynh and I at Uni
Friday: I think begins now LOL?? Im so confused LOL
Drinkz with various baes at Bistro
Some beach that WAS NOT resolute beach LOL on Sunday. Was still very nice
Miss Vietnam 2014