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stay gold forever

being here with you

we were meant to fly

you got me
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and i got you
this layout was hand coded by twelfthnight ( else ) with inspiration from Gold Forever by The Wanted. Gold from colourlovers

Wednesday, January 14, 2015 // 6:01 PM

I wish I had kept an ipod or something of the like with all my music from high school. Particularly the songs I listened to in years 8-10. On the ride home from the beach yesterday, Danny started playing all these old alt/rock songs that I was in love with when I was 13 LOL

So now I'm stuck downloading what I can remember, but I really do wish I had an album or cd or something from back then. He played this one song, Let it Bleed by The Used and the rush of nostalgia swept me off my feet and I damn near cried.

Here's to hoping I can remember more artists/titles

If you remember anything pls let me know, too !!

before i go
Tuesday, January 13, 2015 // 5:15 PM

So I leave for Thailand in 2 days. I'm even more nervous than I was two weeks ago, but I'm also sososososo much more excited!!!!!

I've been getting weekly calls from the people at the volunteer company, just to make sure everything is on track and ready to go. They're so nice.


Honestly, about 95% of the time I actually forget that I'm going there to volunteer. Like, for the majority of the trip, I will be in a hospital learning and doing doctor-y things. But that's not what I'm even remotely excited about. Maybe I should really reconsider my career path... LOL only joking!

I know I'm going to have an amazing time learning and all that as well as partying and getting to know my house mates.

Also super keen for the Thai food.


Have I ever told y'all that Thai food is my favourite cuisine?


Still haven't packed, but I have bought the necessities like body wash and snacks

Need to exchange my aussie monies for thai money

Also lost my wallet yesterday.

I'm sure it will turn up somewhere


Have a great summer



Friday, January 9, 2015 // 4:41 PM

Did a few things over the last two weeks. Also did shit all.

Have some photos :)
Christmas eve shift
 What a loser
 Christmas night
 I found this so funny LOL
 KIK dinner :)

 Showing Nick around Syd



 Field Day!!

 Thai on the beach

 Henna w/ my ladies

 Swinging with a muddy butt

 Caves Beach



Friday, January 2, 2015 // 6:16 PM

2014 was the most eventful year of my life thus far.

NYE and New Years day were great. I spent it at the beach with my best friends and I'd have to say it's the best celebration of the new year I've ever had. But when all the hype subsided and reality kicked in, I remembered how unfortunately disappointed I was with my life and my choices. I had lost a job, I didn't make it into med school and I couldn't say goodbye to my kids. One of my best friends was leaving for the summer and the other had a boy to distract himself with. 

I felt so incredibly and unbelievably alone that I spent all summer trying to run away from it. It was then that I realised that I have the ability to change my own life. It sounds a bit weird, but I guess I was relying so much on my friends to give my life a purpose, I guess, that I forgot to look after myself and it even made me forget how independence and confidence used to come so easily to me. 

A short while after that I decided to make a change in my life and I found a new friend to hang out with. He was great, but I think we were on different pages in terms of things we wanted so it didn't really work out. Despite all that, going on the few dates with him really opened my eyes to the kind of person I am. I mean, I've evaluated myself on numerous occasions but it doesn't come as raw or as un-tampered-with as it does when you're on dates. I guess its some evolutionary thing, your mind telling you to be honest and straight forward about what you want, especially because you're trying to find the perfect mate. So that was a good learning experience, haha. 

Shortly after that I entered my first real relationship. This boy was a little different, though. He wasn't as straight forward as the first and retrospectively, I don't really think I got to know him at all, but I had a lot of fun mucking around with him and I think that's all I was really ready for. Frankly, there was just so much miscommunication that I'm surprised we lasted as long as we did. He started out wanting more, just like the first boy did, but I was confused and inexperienced and I told him I wasn't ready for anything serious. By the end, oh how the turn tables. There was probably an unconscious influence from my friends, most of whom were in year long relationships. They'd say things and do things with their partners that probably only comes about when you've been with a person for such a long time. But because all of them were at that stage, idk it felt weird how he and I weren't there yet. Even though we were unbelievably new at this. Looking back, I obviously needed guidance. I should've stopped comparing myself to my friends and tried harder to communicate with him instead. By the end, we had switched stances. I was ready but he kept me at arms length and that was the first time I've ever gotten my heart broken. I don't think I loved him, but maybe I was close.

Then came more loss. Actually, it was more intertwined with everything else. I didn't make the best decisions at the point of the year, haha, but I did learn. When you lose someone, a family member, no matter how close or distant, it kind of awakens something inside of you. I felt pain. I guess even though death can put someone out of their misery and it can take away their pain, it lingers in everyone who was left behind. That's what I felt. From my dad, my sister and my cousins and it is probably one of the worst feelings

Like I told one of my closest friends, this was just a really shit time for me. I can't believe I ever let my life get this shit. I understand that most things were out of my hand, but I still had control over one thing and that was my studies and even that went to shits. 

I found the time after this to really pay attention to myself. I finally asked for help and things slowly, but progressively got better. I became a lot more selfish and I don't regret it. I was finally able to do things that made me happy and I refused to get pushed around and I think I had one of the best mid year breaks because of it. I became closer to my family and to my uni friends and I finally branched away from my tight knit circle of high school and uni friends. 

It's surprising how much you can learn from short encounters with others. This happened a lot at university. I didn't join any clubs or societies but I did befriend quite a few people from my med sci and other general med / science students. We're all different kinds of people but we all share the same passion and dream and that acted like an anchor to keep us together while I endured and learned and experienced. I could literally feel the SWS ignorance washing away from me throughout the second semester. 

Work got easier too. I'm not sure if it was because people started to warm up to the person that I am or if I had changed, but I felt closer to everyone at Dymocks and Stu's and the blood bank. I went to a party with one of my work mates and all his friends are surprisingly like my group of friends and we all got along which was excellent. 

I can still feel myself growing and changing. With every new person that I meet and every story that I have the privilege to hear, I'm starting to understand the complexity of life and society and the beauty of nature and I'm starting to believe in things and respect things and it's all so wonderful. 

It may seem as though 2014 wasn't really my year, but I think it's the accumulation of the small things that made it one of the best so far. I wouldn't have had it any other way :)

Anyway, before I leave y'all, have a video which perfectly sums up how puzzled I get when I think about how life works, haha. 

Have  a wonderful 2015!